Not my own will, father. But yours.

It is in these moments, when we are at our absolute breaking point. When the tears are flowing and our hearts our hurting. When we feel as though we are beginning to lose all that we have ever known. That we as people, must turn our face to God, we must humble our hearts before him, and we must lay down the desires of our hearts.
Any one who knows me knows that I cannot stand to see hurting, broken, or lonely people. My heart is for those who have seen the depths of depression, loneliness, and confusion.
Because of this, I am currently learning how to be the friend that God has called me to be. I am learning how to suffer not for my own name, but for his. God is bringing me into a place where I am used by him to tend to the broken. And it is by far the most humbling experience of my life.
As a Christian, I am a strong believer in that fact that we have to place our roots of happiness in the love of God, and not on the happenings of this world. I live by the Bible verse 1 Thessalonians 5:16 " Always be Happy." Now, That isn't to say that I am never sad. I could never claim that without being a liar. However God had shown me through many personal encounters with sadness, and what feels like the death process, that just as Jesus was strong in the midst of death, so must I be when I am face to face with something that seems bigger then me. We all have our battles, we all face what feels like spiritual death, but it is in those moments. When we feel like the smallest people in the world. That we must discipline ourselves to not look side to side and try to find fulfillment in this world, but we must look up to the Creator of the world.
For " Jesus did not die on the cross so that we wouldn't have to, he died on the cross to show us how."
Pick up your cross and bear it with honor, even when beuing brutally whipped. Scream out the name of Jesus and pray for those surrounding you. Look up. Look up to the one who made you, the one that you depend on for your strength, pick up your cross and truly learn what it means to suffer for Christs sake and for the establishment of the Kingdom of heaven,

Phillipians 4:5-7  " Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

BE ENCOURAGED. YOU ARE LOVED MORE THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE. AND GOD IS WITH YOU EVERY. STEP. OF. THE. WAY. 
--Natalie Soto